I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
