Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
