Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
