On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
