The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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