I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
