I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
