at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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