Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
