Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
