I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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