Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
