I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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