Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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