I wish my penis had an off switch
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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