The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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