I'm lost and stupid without you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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