I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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