can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
