I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Come on in and take your pants off
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