I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
