Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
