so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
