Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck appropriateness.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
