I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
