So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize