we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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