i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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