I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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