He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
