Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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