every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
