thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
