so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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