k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize