and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize