Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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