My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
