I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
