Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
