Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
