but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
