Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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