so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
