he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
