i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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