I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
