The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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