If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
