I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
