you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
