i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
