think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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