I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
