He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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