playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
