allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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