final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
