get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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