just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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