we made out on top of his cat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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