I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Randomize
