Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
