Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
